From today’s Dear Abby:
DEAR ABBY: I haven’t had a boyfriend for a while now, and I’m not sure why. Everyone says I’m cool, funny and outgoing. I play video games, sports, and do things that boys think girls would never do (like paintballing in the woods or bungee jumping over and over again).
All my guy friends think I’m awesome, and I do get compliments on my looks as well. I’m not a tomboy, I wear nice clothes and some makeup, but for some reason, whenever I get a crush on a guy, he says it would be “weird” because I’m a “really good friend.”
What am I doing wrong? I love who I am and so do boys. So why don’t they think I could be “girlfriend material”? – BOYFRIENDLESS IN CONNECTICUT
DEAR BOYFRIENDLESS: It may be that “guys” see you as one of them. And because of it, they don’t consider you in a romantic way. Therefore, it’s time to emphasize your feminine side and present yourself in a different light. This may mean temporarily downplaying your involvement in boys’ sports and paintball games, and amping up your “girlishness.” Give it a try and see what happens.
Why do we still have to read crap like this in 2007? A man who can be allured only by a deceptive acquiescence in antique gender roles isn’t worth catching. Since when is the need to be found pleasing to some goofball so important as to justify sacrificing a woman’s authentic identity? What Abby should have told her is that the problem is not with her but with these guys who think being a romantic partner is incompatible with being a “really good friend” – a warning sign if I ever heard one. Instead, she essentially told her to sacrifice her integrity in order to get some Neanderthal to date her.
And for any libertarians who don’t see why I’m making a fuss about this, here’s a start: it’s like telling libertarians “you’d make more converts to your position if you dropped your opposition to Government Program X.”