Joy By Command

The last step of the instructions for microwaving my lunch says:

Step 5: Stir noodles until they are evenly coated with sauce. Sprinkle toasted sesame seed topping over noodles. Enjoy.

Soy Ginger Noodle BowlNote that “Enjoy” is part of the instructions. This must be a boon to their customer service:

CUSTOMER: There’s a problem with my Soy Ginger Noodle Bowl. It’s filled with mouse dung and bits of asbestos.

CUSTOMER SERVICE: Did you enjoy our product?

CUSTOMER: No, I did not! I just explained that it contained –

CUSTOMER SERVICE: I’m sorry, but we’re not responsible for any problems resulting from your failing to follow the printed instructions.

CUSTOMER: But my problem didn’t result from failing to follow the instructions! It resulted from the presence of mouse dung and bits of asbestos.

CUSTOMER SERVICE: The instructions called for you to enjoy our product. If, as directed, you had in fact enjoyed our product – if mouse dung and bits of asbestos had been just what you wanted – would you now be contacting us to complain?

CUSTOMER: Well no, obviously not.

CUSTOMER SERVICE: Well then, you admit that you are bringing this complaint only because you failed to follow the printed instructions. As I have explained, we are not responsible for any problems resulting from your failing to follow the instructions. Good-bye!

10 Responses to Joy By Command

  1. fester January 4, 2009 at 9:40 pm #

    This is pretty funny. I have noticed that before, but I really did not think much about it except to think that it was a rather dumb thing to say.

  2. Black Bloke January 4, 2009 at 10:00 pm #

    Now tell the one about the parrot who’s pining for the fjords.

  3. b-psycho January 5, 2009 at 5:32 pm #

    If you add your own meat to those things (and a tiny bit of butter to the noodles themselves when heating) they’re actually quite delicious.

  4. Ozymandias January 5, 2009 at 6:03 pm #

    Maybe the “Enjoy” was intended as an invitation instead of an order.

  5. JenMc January 5, 2009 at 10:35 pm #

    A waitress at my old favorite restaurant back in Rhode Island used to always say “Enjoy!” after she served my food. I was afraid I was being somewhat perverse for finding that annoying. (But it just so happens to be part of my belief system that the only purpose of eating is nourishment and to eat for pleasure is sinful.)

  6. Andy Stedman January 7, 2009 at 11:30 am #


    Then why do you have a favorite restaurant? Hopefully not for the food. Atmostphere? Is that okay as long as it doesn’t cause you to enjoy the food too much?

  7. martin January 7, 2009 at 11:33 am #


    I guess Jen’s favorite restaurant is the one where the food is the least enjoyable…

  8. Anna January 7, 2009 at 11:49 am #

    Beware the Hedo-Fascist movement! It’s only vague commands to “enjoy” right now, but soon enough they’ll institute the Fun Camps.

  9. JenMc January 8, 2009 at 12:00 pm #

    (Pssst, I don’t really think enjoying food is sinful, but the waitress didn’t know that!)

  10. Andy Stedman January 8, 2009 at 2:05 pm #


    Sarcasm detector recalibrated.

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